Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
