Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
