I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
