This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
