I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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