You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
