Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
