Got a toothbrush?
You can't motorboat a personality
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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