WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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