i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
