I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
