My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
