I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
