I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My vagina just clenched in fear
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
