Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
