Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
