i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
