I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
