No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
