If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
