I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
