My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
