Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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