shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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