I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
