Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
