Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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