You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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