I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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