What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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