my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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