Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
