what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
