A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he puts the penis in happiness.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
