walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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