perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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