Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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