similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
