You just made me feel so damn special
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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