i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
