on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
