He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I got inside last night via doggy door
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
