I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
