Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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