So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
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Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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