are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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