am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
