it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I wear drunk well.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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