So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
