Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
