Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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