He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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