Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
