I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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