I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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