Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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