Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
