you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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