After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
