the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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