She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
