If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
