So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Still dying that you shit outside
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
