I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
