I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
