I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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