weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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